Hurt Me
by StormOfImagination
Summary: Finally, the real reason for Emily's decision to leave for INTERPOL comes to light... An alternative universe where Emily and Hotch were together before Emily's 'death,' *Rated T for language*
1. Once Upon A Memory

**AN: I'm still clearing my head, so... Angst. Yes. Fun. HAHAHA.**

_~Love is when you shed a tear and still want him, it's when he ignores you and you still love him, it's when he loves another girl and you still smile and say I'm happy for you, when all you really do is cry.~ Anonymous_

"What do you think you're doing, Emily?" Hotch asked quietly, but everything about him-his posture, his tone, his unusually controlled voice- betrayed how emotional he was. Everyone on the team knew what he was hiding from me behind his mask- Anger, betrayal, anything you'd expect from a boss who doesn't realize one of his agents is leaving until she's gone.

"I'm going back to INTERPOL." Emily said firmly, her tone leaving no room for argument. "I'm just not fitting in with my old life here." Hotch only needed to glance at her eyes once to register what she was talking about- a relic from before her 'death' that he had forgotten.

Hotch sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Emily, we discussed this." he said quietly, but he was obviously starting to lose his composure. It took a lot of work and a very personal subject to get the overly-controlled unit chief slipping.

"No, we didn't. " Emily said tightly. "I left after my 'death,' to come back and find you with some girl you met running. Beth, isn't it?" she knew she was pushing buttons, but it was about damn time Aaron saw what he was doing to her everyday since she'd come back, and why she was leaving.

"Yeah." Aaron said quietly. "But leave her out of this. We agreed that there was nothing emotional about it, no strings attached." To some extent he was correct, but mostly, they both knew he wasn't. They had known it was something more than what they were saying it was.

"Oh, so sleeping with you wasn't 'emotional?'" Emily asked angrily. "So cuddling everyday and watching dorky movies isn't 'emotional?' getting in tickle wars and pillow fights in the morning is 'no strings attached?' Having your son ask if I was going to be his new mommy wasn't 'emotional?'" It hurt her to throw out those things that she had kept to herself, protecting them so she had some shred of their old relationship to cling to.

Hotch flinched away from each painfully sweet memory she threw back in his face. "I'm not saying it wasn't " he said tightly, his chest hurting with an ache he hadn't felt since Hayley's death- realization of what he lost. "But we agreed it wouldn't be a relationship, because neither of us could risk being hurt again. That meant we could move on at anytime."

"Anytime you notified the other person, Aaron!" Emily said angrily. "I was in Paris for a year and a half, clinging to old memories and smiles to keep me warm when it was raining, and got soo happy when I could finally come back. And what do I come back to? You dating some girl, without telling me!"


	2. Sticks and Stones

**AN: I just needed a refreshing change of pace from writing the same pairing so forgive my character errors X)**

_"It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone."- Anonymous_

"I'm moving on, Emily. Like you told me before you left for Paris." Hotch said quietly, but every word stung like a bullet to the heart. Every muscle in his body screamed that he should just pull Emily close, hold her until she wasn't hurting anymore.

Emily flinched with every word. "I didn't .. I said..." she stumbled over her words, trying to deny the heartbreaking memory of saying those very words. She gripped her drink tightly, her knuckles white. She knew what she had said word for word, had memorized Aaron's hurt face when she walked away, bag over her shoulder.

By now, the other wedding-goers had noticed something was wrong. "Em, what's going on?" Morgan asked, putting a hand on Emily's shoulder, well aware of the tense atmosphere between his close friend and the uptight Unit Chief.

"Ask Aa...Hotchner and his girlfriend what's wrong, why don't you?" Emily asked quietly, turning and fleeing from the room, her almost use of his first name too much to handle and her drink forgotten. With a glance after her, Garcia followed Emily, knowing that there was something here too big to be forgotten easily.

"Hotch, what did you do?" Morgan asked tersely, worried. "We just got Emily back. We can't lose her." Everything about the normally precise Unit Chief was off. His posture, the way his hair was mussed from running his hands through it, the untouched drink in front of him.

"Not now, Morgan." Aaron said tensely, unintentionally snapping at him. "This isn't really something that involves you." Once again, he ran his hands through his hair. Glancing up at Beth and back to Aaron, Morgan frowned.

"It didn't involve me until Emily, rock hard emotionless Emily, stormed off nearly in tears." Morgan said quietly. "Seriously, Hotch, what is going on? This is going to mess with the team on Monday if this doesn't get figured out."

Aaron swallowed past the lump in his throat. "Emily won't be returning to the BAU." he said finally, after a long pause. The words wrenched his heart, the heart that he had tried to persuade into forgetting the gorgeous black-haired agent.

Morgan blinked, shocked. "What?" he asked, surprised. "We just got her back. Why is she leaving again?" his words echoed exactly what Aaron had felt at her blunt announcement, and echoed the reaction he expected from the rest of the team.

"She's taking the job at INTERPOL." Hotch said quietly, and tossed the rest of his drink back, grateful for the strong alcohol as it burned on it's way down, reminding him that he was still alive. Glancing at Beth, he couldn't help but compare her to Emily. Looking at her, the two women of his life were not all that uncommon from a physical aspect.


	3. Truth Kills

**AN: Angsty Angsty Angst. :D I think I'll write something fluffy sometime. I'm sorry if this gets updated randomly, I'm a little scatterbrained and sometimes want to write this and sometimes that.**

"Sometimes love is so unfair, the more you sacrifice the more you hurt, and when you've given your best to someone you LOVE, it seems not enough."- Nishan Panwar

"Honey, talk to me." Garcia called soothingly, but even her close friends' voice brought no relief for Emily. Garcia had supported her and watched her back for years, but now, when she finally was being crushed by someone, even the voice that used to bring a smile did nothing to heal the hurt. All it did was bring back old memories and haunts of when they were a happy team, when Emily could look across the conference room table and see the smile in Hotch's eyes and know that she was part of the cause. Now she was stuck in what seemed to be a constant downward spiral.

"I'm fine, I just had a little too much to drink, Pen. Don't worry yourself too much. I'll be out as soon as I get myself cleaned up." Emily said, wiping her eyes, although she knew that her red eyes and smeared makeup would give it away that she was suffering from more then just a little too much to drink, especially to the people around her. Her team may be profilers, but they knew her well enough that even if they weren't, they knew how to look at each other and know when something was wrong,

"I know that's not true, Em." Garcia said softly. "Too much alcohol won't make you cry like that, and I don't have to be a profiler to be able to recognize when my best friend is sick. What did Bossman say? Is everything okay?" Emily swallowed hard, knowing the harsh news would break the team all over again. She still remembered how long it had taken her and JJ to finally get Spencer to be okay, and how Morgan had always looked at her with those hurt puppy-dog eyes when he thought that she wasn't looking.

"He didn't really say anything." Emily said quietly. "I did." She couldn't reveal that she and Hotch had been seeing each other and then just walk out to INTERPOL. It would be brutal on the team and her heart. As it was, coming back to Aaron dating someone else was enough of a fight for her, and her heart was already breaking. To watch her team fall apart once more after she left again would crush what remained of her heart, a guilt that she would feel for years to come.

"Are you leaving again?" Garcia asked quietly, and the fragility in her voice was like a knife to Emily's chest. The computer techie may not have been licenced to be a profiler, but she didn't need to be. Garcia could pick up on some of the tiniest things. A tense air between two people, a subtle change in someone's behavior, even the littlest things didn't slip past her, especially when it was her family, her team.

"Probably, but not because of you guys." Emily said gently, both grateful for the change of subject and regretful because it wasn't how she planned on the team finding out. The rough topic had steered the conversation away from the even rougher topic of explaining her and Hotch, but was no easier to explain.

"Not all of us, anyway." Garcia said quietly. Emily frowned, confused by the odd statement.

"What do you mean, Garcia?" Emily asked. "I said it didn't have anything to do with you guys."

"Not all of us." Garcia repeated. "Come on, Em. You 'died,' and Hotch was broken. He looked like Haley all over again. And then he gets together with Beth, and the first time all of us are together and you see her, you and Hotch get in a fight."

Emily frowned, worried that Garcia had put all of the pieces together. "What are you implying, Pen?" She asked. The team couldn't know about her and Aaron. They had been so very careful, almost overly careful, to keep anything or anyone that could indicate that the two of them were having any sort of relationship out of the way of the team. Jack had promised to keep it quiet, but was confused about why all of his extended family couldn't know. Emily had always felt immensely guilty, both for making Jack keep it quiet and for not telling the team.

"I know you and Hotch were together. I don't know what it was, or how serious it was, but I know that the two of you are, or should I say were, together." Garcia said softly.


	4. Goodbye Doesn't Hurt

**AN: For those of you that want to find me elsewhere, I'm now on facebook my lovelies. I'm just under my username here, and my job is listed as a writer for fanfiction. c:**

At this point, not only had the drama been drawn to the attention of many of the guests, but to the marital court- in other words, JJ, Will, and Beth. Noticing that her beloved boyfriend of almost four months had started to bury himself in the bourbon already, Beth frowned deeply and stepped over to where Aaron and Derek were standing by the bar. Seeing her approach, Derek sighed and stood up from his leaning position, grabbing his tux jacket from the bar.

"Take care of it, man." Derek said, putting a hand on Aaron's shoulder as he walked away, acknowledging Beth's presence with a nod as he stepped past her to where Penelope was standing by the restroom, running her hands through her already messy blonde curls. Aaron glanced over at the flustered computer genius, who at this point was gesturing wildly and talking quickly, a sure sign that things were going downhill with Emily.

At the thought of how upset she had been, a spike of guilt pierced Hotch as he turned to face his girlfriend. He couldn't help but see Beth as beautiful; she was almost perfect in so many ways, and Jack adored her. But now, realizing just how much he still felt for Emily and how much that she felt for him, Beth seemed dull compared to Emily. Even as changed as she was after Doyle, how different she had acted for so long, Emily shone like the moon compared to Beth. It wasn't that Beth wasn't appealing or that she was merely acting as a bounceback, it was just that with her reappearance, Emily had stolen his heart and his breath away.

"What's going on, Aaron?" Beth asked softly, her soft voice a harsh contrast to the angrily defensive tones that Emily had taken only minutes before. "Emily disappeared, Penelope is wrapped around the axle about something, and you're burying yourself in the drink." she gently took the glass out of Aaron's hand, setting it behind her.

Aaron sighed, burying the hand that had been holding his drink in his hair, relishing the cool moisture against his heated forehead. "There's a lot more going on then you seem to see, E-Beth." he stumbled over their names, almost calling Beth Emily in his confusion.

Beth frowned, the confusion finally seeming to trigger the last puzzle pieces to fall into place. "There was something with you and Emily before, wasn't there." she said softly, placing her hand on Aaron's thigh as he nodded mutely, fearing the worst reaction from her. "Aaron, why didn't you tell me?"

Hotch sighed. "Because it wasn't relevant at the time." he said quietly. "Emily was gone, and she really wasn't supposed to come back this soon. I honestly felt something for you, but I never intended to get this wrapped up. I thought that you and I could be friends and just stay that way when Emily came back, but before I knew it, it was moving forward faster then I expected and I didn't want it to stop."

Beth nodded slowly, understanding where Hotch was coming from. "I understand." she said quietly, and Hotch looked at her, surprised. "You love her. I get it. I would love to live in a world where I had your heart 100% for me. That's all I wanted. But I understand that you're still hung up on her. Sometimes love gives us one chance, and sometimes that chance is taken away by some tragedy. But sometimes, there's lucky people who get a second chance. And you have. And I'm happy for you. I should've known from how your eyes sparkled when you talked about her. That's why I'm going to take the time to turn and walk away from you."

Aaron felt a lump rise in his throat, and he found himself hugging Beth tightly. "Promise you'll come by and visit Jack?" he whispered hoarsely, touched by the fact that Beth was so willing to let him go so that he could pursue Emily.

Beth chuckled and shook her head slightly. "Aaron, you really are dense sometimes." she said softly, lightly slapping the back of his head. "As much as I love your son, I wouldn't want to intrude on you and Emily."

Aaron smiled, and nodded slightly. "Thanks, Beth." he was glad that it had gone as smoothly as it had; now he had to smooth things with Emily.


	5. Past Goodbyes

**AN: Today's my last full day of school... c; I've got finals next week and then I'm home free for the summer, so expect more updates. Well, if I'm not modeling and/or working. But I'll definitely be updating more.**

"Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone; we find it with another." - Thomas Murton

Even as Beth took her leave of Hotch, Emily was also slipping away. Garcia had stepped out to talk to Morgan, and Emily took the opportunity to slip away from the increasing crowd and escape the drama. She felt terrible for ruining JJ's wedding day and worse for just leaving out of the blue, but she couldn't let herself be near Hotch. Watching him with Beth and Jack as a happy family, as glad that she was that Jack seemed to adore the woman, was too much for her to handle. It was a punch to the chest, a painful reminder of what she almost had.

Emily wandered aimlessly down the street, unconcerned by the late hour or the part of town she was wandering through, her mind focused on getting herself away from Aaron and the team. Thankful she had brought her bag as she left, she stepped behind a building, changing into the jeans and t-shirt she brought with her for after the wedding. The original plan had been for her to go stay with Garcia and have a girls night, but she couldn't face the perky computer scientist, knowing that she had been aware of her supposedly secret relationship with Hotch. Who else had known? Was it because of Hotch that Garcia knew? Had he told anyone when Emily left for Paris after her 'death'?

She couldn't help but blame herself for everything that had happened in the day. If she had followed the plan and not come home earlier than expected, she would've given them more time to heal. As well as they tried to hide it from her, Emily could still see the residual hurt from her deception.

Dancing with Morgan, she knew that something was wrong. He spun her around the floor with all the charm he owned, but she kept catching him holding her tightly, like he was afraid that if he let go, Emily would just disappear. And she felt bad, knowing that he had been partially correct; she was just disappearing again. By the time anyone realized that she was gone and started to look for her, she'd be packed and out of the city, if not the state. She wasn't sure where she was going to go or what she was going to do, but she knew that she couldn't stay in Quantico, and she definitely couldn't stay at the BAU. There were too many memories for her to just forget. She had about two weeks until they were expecting her at INTERPOL- so until then, she'd just stay on the move, keep herself away from Virginia, and sadly, the only people she trusted.

She snapped out of reverie to find herself in front of her home. Unlocking the front door, she stepped inside and swung the door shut, hanging her coat up and setting her phone down on the table. She kept her gun with her, but she wasn't going to risk anyone from the BAU finding her. She took her stairs quickly, pulling out a duffle bag from the back of her closet and shamelessly pulling her clothes off the hangers, shoving them into the bag.

Stepping into her bathroom, she grabbed what was essential for her to use and stuffed it into a ziploc, shoving that into her bag as well. She stopped for a moment, catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Her eyes were red-rimmed and swollen from crying, and her makeup was mussed. Her finely curled hair was losing the curl, and Emily helplessly rubbed her eyes, pulling her hair up into a ponytail. She was a mess, and she knew it. Just another reason that she couldn't stay here.

She stepped back into her bedroom, shutting the lights off as she double-checked that she had everything she needed. She stopped when she was faced by the happy photos that covered her nightstands. She only had three- One of her with Aaron, their faces lit up, one of Aaron and Jack, with Aaron pushing him on the swing, and one of the team, just before she left. she gently took the photo of the team, setting it on top of her clothes and then zipping the bag closed, swinging the strap over her shoulder.

As she shut off the last few lights and locked her door, she was grateful that her car had no GPS. Emily had taken care to leave anything and everything that Garcia could track in the house. She knew that they could put an APB on her car, but she was only driving it as far as the transit center. From there, she'd take the train out somewhere, see the sights before she disappeared to INTERPOL's London office.

Emily knew that once she was in London, that the team could track her, but she didn't mind. Hopefully, by the time that she arrived, the team would understand that she couldn't be around, and that as much as it hurt her to admit, she didn't want them around anymore. She loved them as individual people, and would miss them, but as a team they carried one too many memories that would cause her pain.

As she started her car and backed out of the driveway, her bag in the passenger seat, she knew that there was no coming back from this. She knew that if she left now, she would hurt the team too much for them to trust her as much as it hurt Emily to admit, she knew that it was better that way. Her past couldn't hurt them, her secrets wouldn't hurt them, and she wouldn't hurt them.

And her causing them pain was becoming an all too familiar pattern.


	6. Turmoil Lasts Forever

**AN: So, I know that Emily was a little selfish, but wouldn't we all be? I promise, I'll explain everything. Don't be too angry at me towards the end...*hides***

_"There are times when love alone is the solo cause for the pain we suffer."- Anonymous_

"Garcia, where's Emily?" Hotch asked, walking up to where the colorful woman was talking to Morgan in the corner, her hands buried in her hands.

"In the bathroom still. She won't come out." Morgan replied, and Garcia nodded her agreement. "She's saying that she drank too much." Hotch sighed, knowing that Emily was lying. She had only had a couple of drinks, not nearly enough for her to even be tipsy, let alone sick.

"I'll deal with it." Hotch said firmly, coming across as much more authoritative than he intended. Garcia's head whipped up, and she spun around to face Hotch, standing in front of him, obviously furious.

"Oh, like you dealt with your relationship with her? Cause that worked really well!" The blonde genius snapped. Hotch blinked, stunned by both her anger and the fact that she knew about his relationship with Emily. "Hotch, she was sobbing. Because you fell for silly old Beth and forgot about her, while she was in Paris, pretending to be dead to protect you and your son on the offchance that when she came back, you would still be in love with her! You have no right to be angry at her for being upset! She didn't know that she wouldn't be coming back to the warm and happy home with you and Jack that she used to have, and she really didn't know that you would've moved on from her so quickly!"

Hotch was stunned by Garcia's outburst, but nothing compared to the look on Morgan's face. The dark-skinned agent's face was contorted in a mixture of anger and confusion, as well as shock. Finally, it sunk in to the large agent that it was because of Hotch that they were losing Emily, and his face contorted in anger.

"You lied." Morgan said tightly. "And had the nerve to hurt Emily when we just got her back." The man was obviously barely holding himself back, his emotions, and everyone in the room, were running. Garcia laid her hand on Derek's arm, trying to get him to calm down and think rationally before he made any stupid decisions.

"Morgan, she tried to get me to move on!" Hotch argued, but Morgan shook his head, obviously done dealing with his boss harming his team. It was at his suggestion that Emily had left and faked her death in the first place, and now he was once again to blame for her choice to leave.

"Don't you dare blame her!" Morgan said tightly. "You've been behind both of her disappearances. Maybe it's all been a grand plan so that you could sneak Beth in with you. How long have you been dating her, Aaron? Were you just using Emily as a bed warmer?"

Hotch shook his head violently. "No, Morgan, I would never. She means so much more to me then that. I couldn't use Emily. Yes, we kept our relationship under wraps, but that was because of the anti-fraternization rules at the BAU, not because we didn't trust you guys or didn't want you to know."

Garcia blinked back tears. "She was crushed, Hotch." She said quietly. "I've seen Emily go through a lot of bad things in the time that I've known her, but I've never seen her that hurt before."

"You have to believe that I didn't intend to hurt her. When we were planning her leave to Paris after Doyle, she said that she didn't know how long she would have to wait and told me to troand move on." Hotch said quietly. "Whether you choose to believe me or not, I fell in love with Emily. I loved her then and I still do." Morgan punched Hotch in the jaw, slamming him back against the bar.

"You broke her heart! You have no right to say you love her!" Morgan yelled, and hit Hotch again, this time knocking him out cold.


	7. Final Goodbyes

**AN: Hey. So much for updating more, hmm? X) I would've updated, but my boyfriend came down from Redmond on Sunday, so I tried to get as much time in with him as I could. This chapter gets a little angsty, as a warning.**

_"He hates me." - Jennifer Jareau_

With no knowledge of the violence erupting at the small wedding party, Emily had driven quite the ways, taking no time in putting distance between her and the BAU. Even as she tried futilely to erase the rough evening from her mind with the soothing rhythm of the road and the passing trees, little thoughts kept popping into her mind, memories of what had happened to the team after she had left to protect them from Doyle. Memories of the long nights playing Scrabble with JJ, the blonde profiler telling her how rough the team was.

If anyone stuck out from the crowd of hurt faces, it was Penelope and Morgan. Oh, and poor Reid. From what she had heard, both Penelope and Reid had spent long nights weeping for her, and Reid even came close to restarting Dilaudid, the dangerous narcotic that almost took her 'little brother' from her once. Penelope had hidden herself more and more in her work and her lab, spending less time with team, afraid that every little thing woud trigger a memory of Emily that would send her back over the edge had hidden his emotions from most of the team as best he could, but upon her re-arrival, she had seen the anger and hurt flash across his face, the mixed emotions revealing how crushed his trust had been.

She had tried to deny that those emotions were her fault for a long time; even now, Emily was still trying to deny that her sudden absence wouldn't break hearts there in Quantico, but even with the love of her team, she still was lacking the love of the one that she needed the most. Even now, memories of his smile across the dance floor at Beth shook her to the core, memories of how he never made an effort to contact her in Paris, simply relaying basic messages on the status of the case through JJ.

Emily should've known then that there was no hope for their relationship, but she clung to the hope that she would be able to return to the same loving arms that she had in the past. Even with as long as she tried and tried to convince herself to let go, to brace for seeing Hotch with someone else, it still did nothing against finally seeing him with Beth on his arm.

At this point, there was no hope in trying to return to the BAU, or even Quantico. Every face would bring memories of Aaron, so Emily made no point in trying to believe that she would ever return. Instead, she did as every strong Prentiss woman would; she steeled her heart and shoved her emotions away, choosing to believe in what her mother had done well to teach her- that she needed to remember not to get attached next time, and that she would do better alone with a strong heart that together with a broken heart.

But some part of her heart refused to be shut down, refused to forget; instead, choosing to remind her of everything that she would miss in her now permanent absence. The lack of bone-crushing hugs and odd greetings from Garcia, the silence that would take the place of Reid's seemingly constant statistics. There would be no more bureaucratic complaints from JJ, no more updates on how Henry was doing in school, no hopes to see if there would ever be another addition to their family. No more affectionate teasing and Italian pet names from Rossi; No more long talks about Kurt Vonnegut and physical fitness with Morgan, and no more nights spent at the bar with the team as a whole. Despite her strong Prentiss roots, even Emily couldn't hold herself together anymore. She pulled her car to the side of the road as the tears flooded her eyes once more, and this time, she made no effort to hold them back. She sobbed with her whole heart, the tears staining her jeans the final goodbye to the team that had kept her sane for this long, even with the work hours.

It took some time, but as Emily calmed herself back down to as stable as she could be, an idea struck her. With a final hiccuping sob and a not-so-gentle swipe of her eyes to erase the last of her makeup with the tears, she pulled open her cell-phone and scrolled to the one number that she never expected to be calling tonight.

With a press of a button, Emily put the phone to her ear and listened to it dial. When she heard the click of the answer, she took no time in wasting on greetings. "Mother, are you in the States?"


	8. Guilty Eyes

**AN: Gosh, guys, I'm having way too much fun with this fic. c: My poor boyfriend... He hasn't even been introduced to Criminal Minds much, and here I am, bubbling away. Someday he'll understand. This one is a little long, just warning.**

_"I've always heard that every ending is also a beginning, we just don't know it at the time. I'd like to believe that's true."- Emily Prentiss_

As Hotch stirred awake, his head still spinning from the rough hit, he couldn't help but look around, and the first thing he noticed was a very pissed off JJ, sitting on the arm of the couch across Rossi's living room. As he opened his mouth to speak, she raised her hand, cutting him off.

"Don't. I've been told just what is going on." She said calmly. "In fact, to a detail." despite her calm tone and controlled posture, JJ's eyes were furious, most likely at the ruin of her wedding party.

"JJ,let me explain," Hotch said, groaning as his ears rung at the sudden rumble. JJ tossed him the icepack off the table, and he pressed it to his jaw. "There's more then you realize, and while I'm sorry that your wedding party was crashed, let me explain."

"No need to explain, and I'm not upset about my wedding party." JJ said calmly. "I'm upset about a lot of things, and the wedding party isn't one of them." she took a sip of her wine, setting the glass on the table next to her. Hotch noticed that she had changed from her dress to jeans and a t-shirt.

"Then maybe you need to explain what you know." Hotch said, the ringing in his ears and head starting to subside with the help of the icepack. "So I can explain what's going on from my side of the story."

"Hmm, what do I know... Wow, where to start." JJ said, and for a moment, Hotch cold see her control slip and she started to get angry for a moment. "Well, I know that you lied to the entire team about your relationship with Emily. That doesn't bother me as much except for your complete lack of respect to that. She had to fake her death, and when she did, you moved on to the next girl that looked halfway like her. And now,just when I think that my team is finally going to be able to function again, Emily leaves because of you, and Morgan knocks you out. How much more do I need to know?"

Hotch sighed, having to share his side of the story for the millionth time. "We weren't truly in a relationship. It started as a friends with benefits thing, and we got attached. When she had to fake her death, she told me to try and move on, because she didn't know how long she was going to have to stay in WPP. So I did. And I missed her every damn day, and now, apparently, I'm taking the blame for everything, since she left to INTERPOL after not being able to face what she told me."

JJ shook her head, and her eyes darkened. "It is your fault. She may have told you to move on, but she believed that whatever the two of you had would stay strong while she was in Paris. And now she's left much earlier than she has to leave for INTERPOL, and none of us have any idea where she's at."

Hotch sat up straight. "She's gone?" he asked, suddenly worried. "JJ, Beth just left me so that I could be with Emily again. I didn't realize how much she meant to me."

"Well, surprise, she left a note. Obviously not intended for you to read, but have a shot. She doesn't say where she's going." JJ said, handing the older profiler the note. "Honestly, there's really nothing there except just how hurt she was by your deception."

As his eyes started at the top of the page, Hotch couldn't help but feel guilty.

'My dear team-

If you're reading this, I took off. I can't watch Hotch fall for someone else. If you don't know already, He and I were in.. a relationship of sorts before I had to leave for Paris. I told him to move on, but I guess some part of me hoped that he'd be waiting for me when I got back. I guess I expected too much, even from Aaron. I wish that I could stay with all of you, but even the little while I saw him with Beth was killing me. And I don't know if I could take another breakdown. I want to be able to say that I'll come back and visit, that I'll skype or something, but I can't tell a lie. This will probably be the last you hear from me. I'll dance around the states for a while before I go to INTERPOL. Before you even think, my cell is at home, on my nightstand. So's my gun and badge, and my credit cards as well. Nothing left to track me with, Pen.

I know I'm hurting all of you a lot by just leaving again, and I wish that there would be a better way. But I just can't seem to think of one. I guess I don't have the fight in me to take on the one person who finally, truly, killed me. If you hear from my mother, it's only because something has gone wrong. I asked her to notify you if I was fatally injured or killed on the job. I figured that way, it wouldn't hurt as much.

I loved working with you all, and know that I miss you guys already. Every one of you. If I could find a way to fix this and be okay, then I would come back in a heartbeat. But it doesn't work like that in real life.

Love,

Emily.'

As Hotch looked up at JJ, he saw the tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. "I hope you're happy now, Aaron. You've managed to tear what used to be a family apart once again. If Morgan hadn't already handled it, I'd knock you out myself." She stood and turned to leave, her back to Hotch as she left.

"JJ.." Hotch called, and the blonde turned to look at him, taking in the guilt playing across his face. "I'll find her." The skeptical look across the young woman's face revealed her doubt, and she shook her head slowly.

"Don't lie to yourself or us, Hotch." JJ said coldly. "Emily is gone for good."


	9. Coming to Light

**AN: …..Hi. c: I need some ideas for a new story... PM me please please? c:**

_"You go on. You set one foot in front of the other, and if a thin voice cries out, somewhere behind you, you pretend not to hear, and keep going." - Geraldine Brooks_

"Not at the moment." Elizabeth's calm and controlled voice stated, her tone flat and void of emotion, as it usually was when she addressed her daughter. "Why? Do you need yet another political favor from me?" It was true that Emily often called her mother when they were dealing with a particularly political case, but it wasn't the only reason that they talked.

"I..." Emily took a deep breath, well aware of the fact that her mother would make quite the fuss out of the fact her daughter was asking for help. But she had no other choice, and a Prentiss never let your emotions control her actions. "I need a place to stay. I chose to take the job with INTERPOL, and I need a place to stay until I leave."

Emily could almost hear her mother's frown through the phone. "Why are you not staying with the BAU until your departure?" Elizabeth asked. "Did something go wrong? Do I need to talk to Agent Hotchner?"  
"No, no, I chose to leave. There's no reason for you to speak to Agent Hotchner." Emily rushed., tense at just the mention of Aaron's name. "I just left early to give myself some time to...adjust to working on my own." her mother clucked, and Emily could almost see her shaking her head.

"Emily, you should know better than to lie to a Prentiss woman, especially to your own mother." Elizabeth scolded lightly. "What happened between you and Aaron? I know you two were friendly before Paris, and know you're leaving in a heartbeat."

Emily sighed and swallowed hard, not wanting to explain to her seemingly emotionless mother just why that she was leaving the BAU. "Mother..." she dragged out, not wanting to re-tell the story that still caused her so much pain to even admit, let alone deal with her mother's criticism of her worktime... romance.

"My home in D.C. is open to you, Emily." Elizabeth said, her voice unusually kind. "I'll call ahead, let Jacob know that you're coming so he can let you in and have a room set up. I'll arrange for my schedule to be cleared so that I can come down and help you figure out what's going on."

Stunned, Emily sat for a moment, her mind reeling at the sudden compassion her mother was showing before she finally brought herself under enough control to respond. "Th...Thank you, mother." she said, still unsure what to expect.

"And Emily?" Elizabeth said, and Emily made an affirmative noise, confirming that she was in fact listening to what Elizabeth had to say. "Don't be too rash. Some of the worst decisions I ever made were impulsive and quick. Make sure you think things through. Whether it's with your job, your team, or your relationship status."

"Thank you for the advice, mother." Emily said, her voice unusually soft, especially for when she was addressing her mother, despite the genetics they shared. Elizabeth hung up as she usually did, and Emily sighed, grateful that the conversation went as well as it did.

She turned her car onto the next exit towards D.C., grateful that her mother's car was close. As upset as she was, she wasn't sure that she could've taken the long drive to another of the many homes across the states.


	10. Glimpse of Hope Yet

**AN: Hi guys. c: Don't forget to show the review button a little love... he's heartbroken over Emily's departure!**

_"You couldn't erase the past. You couldn't even change it. But sometimes life offered you the opportunity to put it right."-Ann Brashares_

Even as Emily was distancing herself from the team, both emotionally and physically, Hotch was pacing back and forth, worried that Emily would slip too far away before he was able to find a lead. Like she had promised, her cell phone, credit cards, and anything that could be tracked had been left in a neat pile on her nightstand. Her bank accounts had been drained from a bank just outside Quantico, but it didn't give any direction of where Emily was going. Garcia had given a futile effort to find the GPS in her car, but when they did find it, it was in a dumpster alongside the road. They had tried to find if she had bought any other cell phones in her name or in an alias, but they found no luck. Hotch was rapidly running out of hope, but he only had one option left.

He openly disliked Emily's mother. Ambassador Prentiss had often openly treated her daughter with disdain for not choosing to follow in her footsteps, despite the fact that Emily had become one of the BAU's best. It was true that the strict Ambassador had been his employer at one time, but there was no affection between them. The likelihood of Emily calling her mother for help, if calling her mother at all, was minimal, but it was his only hope. Even if Emily hadn't contacted the Ambassador, she was sure to know where to start looking for her beautiful daughter.

For a moment, Hotch found himself debating whether or not the call to Elizabeth was worth the imminent earful he would receive for disturbing her precious schedule. But then the idea struck him. Urgently, he pulled his cell from his pocket, calling Garcia. When she picked up, he took no time for greetings.

"Garcia, I need you to look and find any calls to Ambassador Prentiss that weren't from her current country, either burnout cells or payphones." Hotch said quickly.

"Bossman, do you really think that our petite brunette would call to her mother for assistance?" Garcia asked, but still reached for her laptop.

"Just do it, Garcia. Please." Hotch said. "And while you're at it, find all the homes under Ambassador Prentiss' name here in the states."

"On it, lover boy." Garcia chirped. "I'll call back in a few." she hung up, and Hotch shook his head at the antics of the Technical Analyst. He had never been close with Garcia, but her cheerfulness was oftentimes contagious, and it was easy to see why she had been Emily's best friend.

The tense waiting period slipped by, full of memories of happy times between him and Emily, him and Jack, of all three of them. As he flipped open the work phone, he was caught by the background. It was a photo of Emily and his smiling son. Emily had been pushing Jack on the swing, and both of them had blindingly happy smiles on their faces. As he had taken the photo, he had caught Emily midlaugh. When she left, he had set it as the background on his phone, choosing to keep it as one of the happy memories of his time with Emily, time he hoped would continue once they found her.

When the phone rang, Hotch eagerly answered it. "Talk to me, Garcia." he ordered, suddenly tense. What if he had been wrong?

"Good news, bossman." Garcia chirped. "There were three calls to our older Prentiss, all made from US burnout cells. Two of them were used regularly by telemarketers, but our third cell was purchased here in Virginia after our last case, paid for in cash."

"Is there any proof that it was actually her that paid for it, and not another telemarketer?" Hotch asked, wanting to make sure that it was really and truly a lead on Emily.

Garcia tisked. "You doubt me, sir." she said. "Tracking the cell, I found out it was bought at a local gas station. I was able to hack into their security tapes and look at who bought the phone, and sure enough, although the photo was grainy, it certainly looked much like our Emily. I tried to track the burn cell, but it was destroyed along Interstate 66."

"Alright." Hotch said with a sigh. "Thanks for the help, Garcia." He went to hang up, but was cut off once more by the smug tones of his Techincal Analyst.

"Aah, wait, there's more." Garcia chirped. "I checked into the homes owned by our Ambassador, and while she does own quite a few, many are actually inhabited by other political figures. So, I assumed that our dear Emily, knowing her so well, would want to avoid any political drama. So, I narrowed it down to six homes."

"Where?" Hotch asked abruptly, standing up. "I'll get our team going."

"Washington, South Dakota, California, Wisconsin, DC, and Florida." Garcia answered.

"I need the team at the conference room in ten." Hotch said. "I'm sending one of us to each home, we;ll talk to whoever's there and see if we can find any leads."

"Yessir." Garcia chirped, hanging up.

Hotch sat there for a moment, unable to fight the grin that erupted on his face. He might just get Emily back.


	11. Breathe

**AN: I'm gonna write. All day. c: Cause I can.**

_"Those who have hurt you in the past cannot continue to hurt you now unless you hold on to the pain through resentment." -Rick Warren_

Emily was relieved when she finally slipped onto the flawless grounds of her mother's home in DC. Despite the desperate need to get away from Aaron, from the team, from Virginia, some part of her still ached at the loss of her closest friends. The conflicting emotions that had been battling through the whole drive had sucked the life out of her, and Emily had almost stopped at a roadside motel to rest. But remembering what she was running from drove her on, and she finally pulled through the gated home, she was relieved.

Jacob, her mother's butler and head of the staff here at the home in DC, was waiting at the top of the stairs up to the home. The older man stepped up to take her keys, acting as her personal valet. "Welcome home, Miss Emily." he said, smiling warmly. Emily forced a smile, but her exhaustion carried through in every action. "Your room is upstairs, in the left wing. There's a warm bath waiting, and the bed has been warmed."

Emily smiled gratefully, allowing herself, for just a moment, to thank her lucky stars that her mother had spent so much time here. Because of the long stints in DC, Emily knew the staff well, and the staff knew her. "Thank you, Jacob." she said, hugging the older man with one arm. "I definitely need it tonight. It's been a rough few hours." She started walking up towards the house.

"Oh, and Emily," Jacob called as Emily reached the top of the stairs, and she turned to look at the older man, partially in her car. "There's a minibar in your room. Help yourself." Emily smiled gratefully and waited for Jacob to pull away in her car before proceeding upstairs to her room.

When she got upstairs, she set her bag on the bed with a grateful sigh, looking around the room. As promised, the bed was warmed and the minibar sat by the sink. As she stripped, walking towards the bathroom, she could both see and feel the steam from the massive bath.

With a contented sigh, she slipped into the bubble bath, feeling the hot water sink into her tense muscles. For a moment, she slipped under the water, enjoying the quiet, the only sound her heart beating. Finally, she sat back up, needing to breath. She went through all the usual routines, soaking until the water grew cold.

Finally, she pulled the plug and stepped out, towelling herself off and changing into sweats and a big t-shirt. Crawling into the heated bed with her still damp hair, Emily sighed happily, pulling the big blankets over her and turning on her side instinctually, grateful she finally was able to relax at least a little. But just before she fell asleep, she could swear she felt an arm around her waist and a familiar chest behind her, but the door was locked. It was probably only a dream.


	12. Wings

**AN: Here's my life: Sleep. Eat. Write. Dubstep. Write. Eat. Write. Sleep. Repeat.**

_"She'd cried over a broken heart before. She knew what that felt like, and it didn't feel like this. Her heart felt not so much broken as just ... empty. It felt like she was an outline empty in the middle. The outline cried senselessly for the absent middle. The past cried for the present that was nothing." - Ann Brashares_

Hotch paced the conference room, painfully aware of how early it was, and that he hadn't slept, so his team probably hadn't slept much either. But right now, Emily was more important. She was his first priority. As his team filed in, he stood at the front of the room, watching the sleepless eyes and even, in Garcia's case, red-rimmed from crying.

"This better be good, Hotch." Morgan growled. "I was supposed to be flying to Chicago." There were several nods of agreement around the table, and Hotch sighed, knowing that noone on the team was especially happy with him.

"We've got a couple of potential leads on Emily." Hotch said, leaning over. "A call was made from a burnout cell to Ambassador Prentiss. The cell was purchased here in Virginia, paid for in cash. Garcia looked into the tapes and it was Emily who bought the cell. We think that she'll be staying at one of the Ambassador's homes that is empty, so either South Dakota, Washington, California, DC, Wisconsin, or Florida."

The audible gasps went around the room, followed by whispers and beaming smiles. JJ nodded slowly from her spot in the back of the room, her smile obviously aimed at Hotch. Hotch smiled back, giving them time to gossip and figure things out for themselves before he continued on.

"We're going to split up into pairs and approach individual homes." Hotch said. "Morgan and JJ, you guys will look into DC and Wisconsin. Reid, you and Garcia will check Washington and California. Rossi, you and I will check South Dakota and Florida." The team had a variety of reactions to where they were going and who they were with; Rossi seemed agreeable, Garcia was teasing Reid about wanting to be with Morgan, JJ was talking with Morgan quietly. Thankful no one seemed to have problems, he went to send them out.

"We'll be flying commercial, but we've arranged for you all to ride first class." Hotch said. "Morgan, you and JJ don't need to fly. Everyone else, our flights leave at 9." They nodded and went to leave, splitting up in their various ways.

"And guys," JJ called, instantly commanding their attention. "Emily isn't going to want to come home. She's hurting bad. There's no guarantee that she'll come back at all. And if she does, she may not ever be the same. And if we can't get her to come back, or can't find her, the best we can do as her friends is to just be supportive. And whatever you do, don't stand there and profile her. If you make her feel like she's an unsub, she's going to take off. If the only way we get to see her is from London, then we'll support her. But hopefully we can get her back here."

Hotch swallowed hard and nodded, agreeing and supporting JJ in what she was making very clear. Emily was in a rough place right now, and pushing her too hard to come back would just hurt her more, if not chase her away. And that was the last thing that anyone wanted. So Hotch watched as his team headed out, hoping that one of them would come back with his ex-lover in tow, so that he could fix what he had messed up, and then his team could just go back to normal, like it used to be.


	13. Dreams Kill Too

**AN: Many thanks for all the reviews guys. :) Again, if you want an opportunity to chat with me, I'm on Facebook as Stormofimagination Fanfiction, or on Twitter as ThisCMWriterGal. Muah! :)**

_"Every morning, I wake up and forget just for a second that it happened. But once my eyes open, it buries me like a landslide of sharp, sad rocks. Once my eyes open, I'm heavy, like there's to much gravity on my heart."- Sarah Ockler_

When Emily woke up the next morning, she turned over, expecting to be able to bury her face in a familiar chest, to hear the familiar chuckle that sent butterflies through her stomach. But she reached out, and when she found no one there, not even a hint of someone having been there, it hit her hard, and she opened her eyes, flooded with memories of what happened at last night's a groan, she buried her face in the mattress and pulling the blankets over her head in a foolish attempt to keep reality away.

All night, she had been haunted by happy dreams for forever, dreams where Hotch came back to her, begging for her forgiveness, and he swept her away, making her his forever, making sure that Beth was no longer in the picture. She'd dreamed of days in the park with Jack and Hotch, playing frisbee or tag, days where they went camping and made smores, went swimming in the river. She'd dreamed of what she wanted like nothing else in the world, and it made the shock back to reality rough. But there was one dream, one dream that topped them all, that brought tears to her eyes as she thought of it.

It had been the one day she thought about so often; her wedding day. She started in a dressing room, being helped into a gorgeous wedding dress by Penelope and JJ. She watched her face in the mirror as they fussed,curling her hair and brushing up her makeup, making her into the stunning beauty she always wanted to be. As she stood, she could see the tiniest hint of a baby bump, and she brushed her hand across it, a soft smile playing across her already glowing face. As JJ pinned the veil to her hair, she stepped into her white heels, realizing that this was really happening.

She stepped out of the dressing room, walking up to the massive doors of the church, looking over the family of her and her fiance as they sat quietly, chattering amongst themselves. But once the familiar tune struck up, they fell silent and turned to watch as the procedure began. Penelope was escorted down the aisle by Derek, as Rossi followed with JJ on his arm. And then it was her turn. With a deep breath, Emily turned her eyes up as she walked down the aisle, an audible gasp echoing through the crowd. But she had eyes for noone but her true love; Aaron.

She stepped up the stairs to the platform, turning to face Hotch as the pastor began to read off. Her eyes watered as she watched the love and affection in his dark eyes as he said his vows, and she read hers off emotionally, tears prickling at the back of her eyes. He slipped the new ring onto her finger, and she slid his onto his finger, grateful that it was truly forever.

When it finally came time to kiss the bride, Aaron gently lifted her veil, taking a moment to stroke her cheek with his thumb before leaning in and kissing her softly, the cheers almost inaudible as they kissed, lost in their own little world. When they finally pulled apart, Emily turned to face the crowd, her hand laced with Hotch's as she tossed the bouquet, not surprised when Garcia caught them and swooped in to give Derek a kiss, shocking the normally flirtatious man.

But as she shook her head and opened her eyes, shaking away the now hopeless dream, she realized that the tears she felt were genuine; her pillow was soaked. As she realized the enormous decision she had made, one that affected not only herself but her closest friends, Emily broke into tears again, burying her face in her hands.

She couldn't blame Hotch, not anymore; She was breaking her own heart.


	14. Home

**AN: Hey guys. Sorry for the sporadic updates, but my real life comes first(no offense) and my life has been hell the last few weeks, so I'll try to regulate updates a little more. Follow me on Twitter( ThisCMWriterGal) or add me on Facebook (Stormofimagination Fanfiction) I'd love to hear what you have to say!**

_"A ghost from her past, part of a world to which she no longer belonged but had never stopped missing." - Catherine Anderson_

Derek and JJ: DC

"Damn." Derek whistled as they pulled up to the Ambassador's massive home in DC. "Emily wasn't kidding." JJ shot him a glance, confused as to what he meant, and he must've picked it up. "She told me that her mother made good money, but wow. Princess is holding out on me."

JJ chuckled and rolled her eyes, hopping out of the SUV with her usual grace as she watched the staff scurry around to take the truck.

Quickly, Morgan and JJ walked into the house, surprised to be greeted by an exhausted looking Emily. "Figured you two would be the ones to find me." Emily said quietly. "It look less time than I expected. I was hoping you'd take the note and just let me go."

"Never." JJ said softly, hugging her friend. "We miss you. You're a huge part of this team, Emily."

Emily shook her head. "I wish I could stay." she said quietly. "I really never wanted to hurt you or any of the team, I just can't stay with Hotch so happy with Beth. It's killing me on the inside, Jayje. I still love him."

"Beth left him so he could be with you, princess." Morgan said gently. "Hotch is why we're here. He wants you back. He was devastated when you left."

Emily shook her head slightly. "He let me go without a doubt, Morgan." she said quietly. "He knew I was still alive, knew I was going to be coming back, but let me go anyway."

"He was almost in tears, Em." JJ said gently. "I was there with him when he read your note. Hotch really does care about you. Even he admits that Beth was a filler."

Emily closed her eyes and swallowed hard, trying to not let her hope get the best of her and just break down and come home. "So..." she sighed, knowing that her walls were weakening already. It had to be her two best friends who came to convince her to come home. They knew how to get under her skin. "So Beth really left him so he could get me back?" she asked quietly.

Morgan and JJ both nodded. "That night at the wedding, just before you left." JJ said softly. "She watched how upset he was when you broke down. She told him that there was no hard feelings, that he needed to fix what he'd broken."

Emily closed her eyes and sat down hard on the stairs in front of the massive home, holding her head in her hands. Worried, JJ knelt in front of her as Morgan waved the valet away. "I can't go back and have him break my heart again, Jayje." Emily whispered, barely audible. "It's been killing me just to think about him, just to be around him. I can barely sleep, I'm constantly dreaming about what he and I could've had."

"I know, sweetie." JJ said softly. "I knew from the time you came home. You just had that look." she gently rubbed Emily's back with one hand. "I think Hotch feels the same way. He's been haunted since the wedding, working himself hard. He had Strauss put the team on stand down so that we could all help with finding you. I don't think any of us have picked up a case file in the last week and a half."

Emily's head shot up. "It's been a week and a half?" she asked quietly, shocked. "I... I've kind of lost track of time here. I've been trying to forget. I've been pushing myself probably just a little too hard." As JJ pulled away to look over Emily, she could see the muscle that had been built.

"Em." JJ whispered. "Come home. Hotch needs you. I need you. The team needs you." she squeezed her knee. "We can call INTERPOL, let them know that we want you to stay with us. They'll understand. Please, Em."

Emily sighed, letting conversation fall into a lull for a moment as she thought. "I'll try it." She said quietly. "Starting over again, I mean. But I'm going to tell INTERPOL that I'm just delaying the job release. I don't want to be stuck again with no way out."

JJ hugged Emily tightly. "Welcome home, Em."


End file.
